A MOTHERS WORTH...

I don't even know where to begin with this post.  Maybe I will start with the labored breathing my littlest was doing the other night after about 9 hours of 102-103 fever.  We quickly got up and checked her temp again.  106.5.  What?  Try again.  106.3.  EEK!  Get the Motrin, Advil, Tylenol, whatever you can find...these fever has gone on long enough!  Oh, and be sure to put in a distress call after midnight to your dear chiropractor and friend (sorry!).  Ok...calm down...fever reduced.  for a bit.  8 am, 103.5 kicks right in...and I'm over it.  Loading her in the car and heading to the new awesome children's hospital in Louisville.  There is usually no wait there and I have been forever impressed by their service in the past few months of multiple visits of broken bones (first Tori and now my oldest just broke his ankle two days prior!), children's dental work and mega illnesses.  Yup, I am thinking of just renting space there so I can just walk down the hall to see the doctor when I need to.  Ugh.

Okay, let me fast forward through all the processing.  I'm greeted by a friendly female doctor who quizzes me about the little tot and her temp.  She keeps her distance from me across the room with her arms folded and maintains a high level of professionalism.  When she asks me if she has been eating or drinking, I reply "She won't eat a thing...but she has been nursing like crazy".  Her eyes widen, "WOW" she says.  "How old is she?" and she fumbles through her chart.  "22 months." I answer, not sure what all the fuss is about.  Granted, she is the now the leading child of mine that has nursed the longest, but I didn't think 22 months merited a "WOW" from an emergency room doctor.  My pediatrician told me that they now encourage mothers to nurse to at least age 2 (not age 1 like they informed me for my other three children-who nursed until 18 months and pretty much weaned off themselves).  Tori has not shown a single sign of being ready to wean and  I'm kinda used to my kids telling me their needs.

Yes, I am big on attachment parenting, co-sleeping and nursing...no, I am not a hippie (although I likely would have been had I been raised in that era, LOL).   Granted, I get a few strange glances by young moms who stop nursing promptly at 1 year, but I also have a gazillion friends that nursed their tots to 3-ish years.  Anyhow, personal reasons...(no judging)...let me move on.  Dr. H moved swiftly across my room and sat down quite informally next to me.  She raved about how impressed she was and couldn't believe I was still "producing"...LOL.  Then, she felt compelled to tell me about how difficult it was for her to nurse her two children.  I've heard it before.  And up until Tori was born, I hadn't experienced any real problems nursing my other three.  I had a very rough time with Tori nursing as a newborn and had just about given up when I got sick of the pump so bad that I almost threw it out the window.  I said, if this baby doesn't nurse today...THIS IS IT!!"...and she did.  :) whew...guess she knew she better get her act together if she wanted to keep getting the real thing.

I can empathize.  I now know how difficult it can be.  Tori ended up in the NICU as a newbie because I thought she was getting what she needed and she wasn't productive.  I survived those first 3 months with no more than about 30-45 minutes of sleep increments before trying to pump and nurse again.  It was madness.  Anyhow (back to the doctor), I was surprised at first at this doctor's openness, but love the way that women can connect when we really realize we are all trying to do the same thing; raise, love and care for our kids in the best way possible. Okay, maybe not all of us...maybe not that mother that is chain-smoking in her car with all the windows rolled up and her children trapped in the cancer cloud (not judging, really!) But we really all want what is best for our kids and so often we can connect rather intimately with a stranger when we realize that.  As I talked about the other three kids, she stammered, " Four? you have four kids?  Wow, now I'm really impressed", she smiled and eyed me up and down.  I'm not sure what exactly she was saying and I was a bit uncomfortable with it so I just moved back on to my little Tori and how she possibly contacted the flu virus that she had diagnosed her with.  She started talking about the kids likely bringing it home from school and I interjected, "--but we homeschool."  She stopped mid-sentence and said not unkindly, "you are really one of those woman that I love to hate"  and smiled.

"Huh?" I replied. confused.

"Nursing champion, mother of four, homeschooling...what are you, 'Supermom'?"  she continued to smile enviously at me.

As we talked more, I realized that this woman truly did envy me and my situation. She yearned to be home with her children more, she wanted more children but couldn't have them, she also wanted to nurse those babies successfully and feel and create that bond that nursing does, but wasn't able to get to that point with it.

I found the entire experience so unreal.  Here I was...in an emergency room, sitting with a doctor that wanted to be me.  Or something like me.  Surely she must know that most of society would look at the two of us and choose her life if they could pick one for them self.  Wouldn't they?  This really got me thinking.  How much do we value a mother in our society today?  We are always praising these huge accomplishments like going to med school , getting a degree, getting a great job, having a nice house, a luxury car, designer clothes.  Okay, maybe not all of those things.  But many of us would look at her and envy her.  I am usually used to getting looks of raised eyebrows and hearing people tell me how 'brave' I am to take all my kids to the store or especially to homeschool them.  It's not too often that you hear people commending each other for how well they did officially getting the diapers off and the toilet training down (HUGE accomplishment as a mom), or how well you are teaching them manners, to care for themselves and others around them, to not annoy the snot out of every living creature around them, to wash their hands, and not pick their nose, to match their clothes, to eat their veggies, to care for the earth and environment around them.  When in all actuality the payoff to all of these things is much bigger than any degree you could have earned.  You have birthed, shaped, led and formed a caring, smart, clean and kind individual that will contribute to the world in one day. If only the world could be filled with more of these kinds of people.  We should be giving out degrees for this!  We should be paying moms for this!  Maybe we would have less crime, hate and ignorance if we did put a higher worth on what us mothers do (and while we are at it, why don't we pay them that doctor sized paycheck as well!)

I sat that day and reflected on my happiness with who I am today and all that I do.  I realized that I am a happier person since I have chosen to homeschool.  I feel more "connected" with my children.  I understand their needs so much more.  I still have my own life, and even my own business (2 of them) that I juggle on the side.  But first and foremost, I am a mother.  And for all the crazy looks and comments I get, it was interesting to hear a doctor tell me that she wanted to have that.  That she envied my lifestyle.

It made me feel validated in my decision to drop my plans of Veterinary medicine.  My first born changed every decision I had previously made about my future.  Everything was put on hold.  I am far from perfect; actually--I was that person chain smoking before I got pregnant with him.  But I quit the day I found out and never looked back.  It was one of the hardest things I ever did.  But I did it to start a lifetime of making the right choices for my family and my children.  (note to those moms still chain smoking with the kids---you CAN quit!  Do it for them!!) I am a totally different person because of them.  Yes, I make many sacrifices for their happiness.  Yes, sometimes I feel bitter that I do because I feel "robbed"...but only for a few tiny seconds.  Then I watch them look at me and smile and I see the future in their eyes.  I forget about anything I gave up for them, because I didn't really give anything up.  I GAINED so much more.  Unfortunately, it took a doctor to make me truly realize that.  ;-)